“Not all those who wander are lost” ~ JRR Tolkien



When I was younger I thought that the only path to happiness and success was to choose one path and stick with it.  Determine your career, Determine your major, determine your one BIG HAIRY GOAL.  Strap on your bull horns and plow through everything until you succeed.  I tried this so many times.  I had one goal that I’d focus on, I’d plow though my straight and narrow path and rarely achieve. 

Somewhere in the process of growing up (read: in the last year or so) I realized that I was limiting myself for fear of failure … but continually failing because my heart didn’t want just one goal. I wanted to dream, think bigger without fear.  Wander. 

And so I let myself.  I dreamt up lots of goals, they weren’t all along one path and they didn’t all make logical sense.  I started to think bigger, to go outside my box.  What I became was happier and shockingly, more focused.  During that out of box dreaming I landed upon a few goals that I REALLY wanted. 

I’d be amiss if I didn’t point out that “growing up” for me meant finding my compass.  That one thing that grounds you and makes you realize that exactly what you are is and always will be good enough.  Everyones compass is a little different, mine was family.  Yes my husband and my kids but also the greater unit of family.  Its like being in an envelope that I share with others who support me, acknowledge my mistakes, forgive me, and help redirect me.  Its a support system that I never knew I could have or that I wanted. I don’t think wandering without a compass is possible. 

Here I am now with a few BIG HAIRY GOALS.  No, I honestly don’t have clear direct paths of how to achieve them and I don’t want one.  I will never put my bull horns back on – I really hated those things.  I’m wandering. and figuring things out as I go, but mostly accepting that the twists & turns along the way are part of the joy of life. 

So I will be here, wandering around and talking about the highs and lows of it, because I honestly miss this blog. 

I have decided to turn comments off for now.  I love those who I’ve met through this blog, but lets be honest, it hasn’t been all rainbows and sunshine up in here and I’m treading lightly. 


To the running community,  

I apologize for both the bib transfer and for using a time that wasn’t mine. Please understand that I respect the BAA and the Boston Marathon. I personally know how hard it is to qualify and how hard we runners work to have the privilege of running this marathon.

I made a mistake, I made a bad decision and I have been punished.  I feel very sorry. 

My hope is that with this apology the hatred out there can stop.  Running is about camaraderie, I am so sorry for bringing negativity out of the community that I think is beautiful.  We all make mistakes, we are human.  I claim this mistake with no excuses and accept the punishment with as much dignity as possible.   

I wish all of those runners running in the 2016 Boston Marathon a great race and many happy miles.  

Why I’m not running Boston 2016. A Cautionary Tale.

Otherwise titled …. It Could Happen to You.

The Boston Marathon. It’s THE race. For us amateur marathoners it’s the shining star, the center podium.

If you have been following my journey you know that Boston, even though I have qualified twice, has eluded me. I have been unable to run with my bib 2 years in a row. The first time because I had just suffered a miscarriage and the second time because I was pregnant.

This year I was able to run. Yes I had a baby via c-section 7 months before the race. Yes I had complications from said c-section. But gosh darn it I am healthy and recovering and NOT pregnant … So I was going to run BOSTON!! I trained my little postpartum heart out.

And then the other shoe dropped.

As I said before I was unable to run with my bib last year. However someone did run with that bib. I gave it to a friend. I didn’t sell my bib, she didn’t pay a dime for it and I didn’t pay her to run with it. I gave it to her with the thought that someone should love the bib. Someone should enjoy the miles that I worked so hard for. It was a stupid thing to do, but I swear it was entirely innocent.

Based on an “anonymous tip” the BAA found out. They had photo proof that I wasn’t the runner who ran with my bib. This breaks their rules and disqualifies me from running in any further BAA races.

My heart is broken. I’m embarrassed and ashamed.

I did what so many of us do, we transfer bibs that are non-transferable. Some even sell them. We think it’s innocent, we don’t think we will get caught.

I know I broke the rules and therefore fault no one but myself. I take full ownership of this. BUT let me be an example, I hope that other runners are reading this and think twice before they make a mistake like i did.  Don’t get yourself get disqualified from a race series, it’s a terrible feeling.  

To the Boston Marathon, I don’t know if I will ever be at peace with this. It’s a tough pill to swallow … For now I will continue to strive for another qualification and maybe, just maybe you will forgive this mama for the mistake she made.

The thing about life is that there are ups and downs, there are times when curve balls are thrown at you and they sting. I’ve had some big ups and downs over the past 3 years and although this may seem like a low, its hard to see it that way.  When I look at the face of my beautiful baby boy its crystal clear: APA > Boston … I’d give up this race and pretty much everything else for my family (obviously). Our 3rd child has been a lesson of patience and true love. It took a lot of patience for him to come into our lives and now that he is here I would go through it all again to love this little boy.

Its not unlike running and marathoning … the journey isn’t always pleasant and man sometimes it hurts but the pure joy of accomplishment makes us love the run.  And we will always run, because no matter what the journey feels like we keep training because we truly love it. So I continue on, running and accomplishing and all the ups and downs that go along with it. I learned a lesson here, but it will never deter me from doing what I love to do.