Apologies

To the running community,  

I apologize for both the bib transfer and for using a time that wasn’t mine. Please understand that I respect the BAA and the Boston Marathon. I personally know how hard it is to qualify and how hard we runners work to have the privilege of running this marathon.

I made a mistake, I made a bad decision and I have been punished.  I feel very sorry. 

My hope is that with this apology the hatred out there can stop.  Running is about camaraderie, I am so sorry for bringing negativity out of the community that I think is beautiful.  We all make mistakes, we are human.  I claim this mistake with no excuses and accept the punishment with as much dignity as possible.   

I wish all of those runners running in the 2016 Boston Marathon a great race and many happy miles.  

Why I’m not running Boston 2016. A Cautionary Tale.

Otherwise titled …. It Could Happen to You.

The Boston Marathon. It’s THE race. For us amateur marathoners it’s the shining star, the center podium.

If you have been following my journey you know that Boston, even though I have qualified twice, has eluded me. I have been unable to run with my bib 2 years in a row. The first time because I had just suffered a miscarriage and the second time because I was pregnant.

This year I was able to run. Yes I had a baby via c-section 7 months before the race. Yes I had complications from said c-section. But gosh darn it I am healthy and recovering and NOT pregnant … So I was going to run BOSTON!! I trained my little postpartum heart out.

And then the other shoe dropped.

As I said before I was unable to run with my bib last year. However someone did run with that bib. I gave it to a friend. I didn’t sell my bib, she didn’t pay a dime for it and I didn’t pay her to run with it. I gave it to her with the thought that someone should love the bib. Someone should enjoy the miles that I worked so hard for. It was a stupid thing to do, but I swear it was entirely innocent.

Based on an “anonymous tip” the BAA found out. They had photo proof that I wasn’t the runner who ran with my bib. This breaks their rules and disqualifies me from running in any further BAA races.

My heart is broken. I’m embarrassed and ashamed.

I did what so many of us do, we transfer bibs that are non-transferable. Some even sell them. We think it’s innocent, we don’t think we will get caught.

I know I broke the rules and therefore fault no one but myself. I take full ownership of this. BUT let me be an example, I hope that other runners are reading this and think twice before they make a mistake like i did.  Don’t get yourself get disqualified from a race series, it’s a terrible feeling.  

To the Boston Marathon, I don’t know if I will ever be at peace with this. It’s a tough pill to swallow … For now I will continue to strive for another qualification and maybe, just maybe you will forgive this mama for the mistake she made.

The thing about life is that there are ups and downs, there are times when curve balls are thrown at you and they sting. I’ve had some big ups and downs over the past 3 years and although this may seem like a low, its hard to see it that way.  When I look at the face of my beautiful baby boy its crystal clear: APA > Boston … I’d give up this race and pretty much everything else for my family (obviously). Our 3rd child has been a lesson of patience and true love. It took a lot of patience for him to come into our lives and now that he is here I would go through it all again to love this little boy.

Its not unlike running and marathoning … the journey isn’t always pleasant and man sometimes it hurts but the pure joy of accomplishment makes us love the run.  And we will always run, because no matter what the journey feels like we keep training because we truly love it. So I continue on, running and accomplishing and all the ups and downs that go along with it. I learned a lesson here, but it will never deter me from doing what I love to do.

APA Birth Story

APA’s Birth Story – Part 1 (The Good)

APA Birth Story

My little man is almost 10 weeks old … and honestly I am just getting brave enough to relive his birth.  It was a beautiful and easy experience until it wasn’t, and then it got bad.  The result is an amazing little boy and I am so grateful, but there were moments when I was as scared as I’ve ever been for myself and my health.   I’m going to break it down into 2 parts, the good and the ugly.  

Here is the good … 

APA came into the world at 37 weeks, 5 days old. 

Short Story, my water broke and I had a C Section resulting in this guy:

APA
6lbs 11oz 19.75 inches of sweetness.

The long story is much longer, so stick with me on this one.

In the week preceding APA’s arrival I was a beast. I was uncomfortable to a level that made me tear up constantly. I was having contractions that would take my breath away and harden my entire belly. On September 3rd I knew that it wasn’t going to be much longer. Sure enough I woke up on at 3am on Sept 4th with a leak. It was a little one, but absolutely out of the norm. I’ll be honest, at that moment I was really tired and I decided that I would lie back down and see if anything else happened.  I was hoping to have a VBAC and was waiting for progress to go to the hospital. 

I woke again at 7:30am and sure enough there was a little more “leaking” … I finally sprung into action, knowing that I shouldn’t wait too long before calling the doc if my water was broken.  I showered, I got my things together and I alerted VC that this was happening. I called my mom, who was coming to the hospital with us.  I also called the twin’s caregiver and asked her to head to our house and consulted my OB BFF Meggie. Doing all of these things, I almost forgot to call the doctor! I finally called them and they said to meet at Mt Sinai Maternity as soon as possible.

When my mom and our caregiver arrived I was frantically making breakfast for the twins, getting my things together … and waiting for VC.  Funny story.  G1 had an eye allergy that was bothering her and VC ran to CVS to get some drops as we were waiting for everyone to arrive.  I think that he didnt see the urgency in heading to the hospital, as I wasnt actively laboring badly so he stopped to get himself breakfast and a coffee.  30 mins later he wandered in coffee in hand!  I’m laughing about his laissez faire attitude now, but in the moment I was just a tad edgy! 

We were on the road to the city by 9:30am and checked into the hospital by 10:15. It was a really quiet day on the maternity floor … note to self have a baby the Friday before a holiday weekend.

Once checked it was confirmed that my water had broken and I was consistently contracting however I wasn’t dilated at all. Being that I am Group B Strep Positive I had a decision to make. I could either induce with piotcin or have a C Section. Inducing was not the doctor’s first choice because of the strain it may put on the baby and me.  I was hoping to VBAC, but I knew that a C-Section was possible being that I had one with the twins and I went into the birth knowing that either one could occur my decision to go with the C-Section was mainly for the health of the baby. The induction would have been hard on him, especially given that my water levels were low. It wasn’t a hard decision for me, as I knew that I could trust my doctors.

I mentioned earlier that I spoke to Meggie about what was happening in the morning.  That was invaluable, she walked me through exactly what my options were going to be when I got to the hospital.  That gave me time to think on them during the drive over and have my mind settled when I arrived.  It was way better than making a spur of the moment decision.  Thank you Meggie!!

Given that I hadn’t eaten since dinner the night before we were able to schedule the C-Section immediately.  I had an OR time of 1pm and we waited for nothing more than an hour before I was walking into the OR. This experience was so incredibly different than my emergency C Section with the twins, I was walking into the same OR that I had been rolled into at full speed 5 years ago. (The G’s Birth Story) The events leading up to the C-Section were so calm, and the surgery was methodical and organized.  Most of all I was actually really calm.

They placed the spinal anesthetic and let the numbness take over.  The process of a spinal was uncomfortable, but not overly painful for me … the hardest part is hunching over your large belly.  I also was very nervous that I wasn’t going to be numb enough, but the anesthesiologist talked me through the numbness taking over and assured me that I wouldn’t feel any pain.

The curtain was placed and VC was allowed into the room (again totally different than before, he wasn’t allowed in the room for the G’s birth) he sat next to my head and held my hand as the section began. I had been warned that I would not feel pain, but that I would feel the tugging and pulling of the surgery and that was 100% true. It was really weird. Not in a painful way but in an OMG there are hands in my abdomen kinda way … It was about 15 mins and suddenly there was a huge push on my belly, a massive sense of relief and a cry. Asher was in our world.

APA Birth

They brought him to me for a second and then took him to clean up and clear out some fluids that were in his mouth and nose. The entire OR immediately said “he looks just like his dad”. I hadn’t gotten a good look so I was craning my neck trying to catch a glimpse while VC was snapping photos of him. Finally they brought him to me in a little bundle and placed him on my chest.

APA Birth 2

There is nothing quite like the sensation of having a warm tiny human emerge from your body and then cuddle up next to you moments later. I didn’t have that with my previous birth. The Gs were whisked away to the NICU while I was still under general anesthesia and I didn’t see them for over 24 hours later. FYI – this method is much much better.

The process of closing me up took a lot longer than I thought it would. I guess I am happy about that, the doctors were diligent and my scar is perfectly in line with my previous one. At some point they took APA away and weighed him, cleaned him some more and placed him in his bed. I was amazed at how calm he was. He let out a little cry when he came out, but other than that had been quiet through the cleaning and weighing and now was sleeping in his little bed.

APA Apgar

We finally made it into the recovery room with APA by our side and the nurse asked if I would like to feed him. Nervous, I took him and placed him onto me. He immediately latched and started to eat.  Again, this was 100% different than the twins who were too tiny to latch when born, and never really did. It was in that moment that I felt connected to this boy.

APA Mama

I knew him in my belly and I felt his heartbeat when he was first delivered, but skin to skin connectivity made my heart leap. He was really here, in our lives.  We were now a family of 5.  

family of 5

 

To be continued …