My training has always been synonymous with racing. I train for a race. During training I push my fitness to new levels, I endure hard workouts and I change my body.
2014 is bringing a new kind of training for me. The year I am training to slow down. I am training my mind to listen to my body.
Coming back from Mauritius and India I was hit with some serious jet lag and then some physical issues. My Crohn’s flared terribly, my body was exhausted and I just didn’t feel right. So I did exactly the opposite of what I normally do … I slowed down. I rested a lot, I ran minimal miles and I focused on the holidays with my family. It was glorious.
And then a crazy thing happened. I had a miscarriage. Although sad, a miscarriage for me is actually a pretty remarkable thing because I had no idea that I could get pregnant. For my entire life I have had low estrogen, I am only able to have a regular cycle with hormone enhancement. In order to have the Gs I went through IVF. A miscarriage is actually a very wonderful sign. (I promise to share my IVF journey with you one day)
No I didn’t see it that way right away, I’ve spent some time pretty sad about this lost miracle but I am picking myself up and looking at the positive. 33 years into life my body has figured out how to function normally. Whats more, I now know how much I truly want to have another baby. If you had asked me that a few months ago I would have awkwardly said “Um, yes eventually”. The prospect of another IVF round was not something I looked forward to, but now I am sure. I’m reveling in the changes and looking forward to adding # 3.
During some of my sad days I was talking to a dear dear friend of mine and she had a mind-blowing thing to say … She told me to look at this time as training. Training to grow our family.
What a beautiful thought. What a fantastic concept.
Before the thought that I was training, I was feeling awkward in my own skin. My body feels different, my fitness has changed and strogen brings a whole host of newness to my world! It feels weird. I feel that I am defined by my strength and my fitness. And maybe I am, but this new training brings focus to a new kind of strength a new kind of fitness.
So here I am, entering 2014 with a new kind of training. A slow and deliberate training that I pray will lead to miraculous things.
I share this with all of you because there will be some changes around here, less running … more cross training and likely a healthy dose of emotional writing. (Did I mention that estrogen is a wild ride?!)