My first draft of this post detailed the exact account of what I did from my Frozen Embryo Transfer to date. However I don’t think I can rehash this process like that.
The fact is that I had the transfer on Monday March 3rd, I felt exhausted and nauseated immediately. I spent Monday – Sunday of that week feeling like I was pregnant. And then on Monday morning that feeling was gone. It was just gone. When I went in for my blood test on Wednesday 3/12 I had a feeling that the results wouldn’t be positive.
It turns out that they were positive, but the numbers were very weak. Meaning that I was pregnant but it was touch and go as to if I would keep the baby. I was asked to come in again 2 days later and retest. If the numbers doubled I was in the green. If they didn’t the pregnancy wasn’t viable.
The numbers went down. I knew they would. In my heart of hearts I know when the baby was strong and then for some reason it wasn’t.
I would be lying if I said I wasn’t heartbroken. I am. However I know that something wasn’t right. I keep going through what I did, maybe I was on my feet too much? Maybe I was under too much stress with the Crohn’s symptoms? I don’t really know if those things are true but what I do know is that something in the stars and universe said that now wasn’t the time and I have to trust that.
For now, I am taking a break. I need time off the medications, I need a break from the constant Crohn’s flare and swollen injection sites. But mostly I just need time to heal my heart, I want to cuddle my husband and my G’s. I am so thankful to the universe for the beauty that I already have around me. One day that beauty will grow and when it does it will feel just right.